Come On Manti!
Manti Te’o is either very gullible or he is an evil genius who staged an elaborate hoax about a make believe girlfriend who died of cancer in order to win the Heisman.
Either way, we have decided to put out the official Christian Dating Rules. It just has to be done, we can’t take it anymore.
1. The parents should decide. Let the parents pick out an attractive person who is smart and successful for you to date. This way you know the person is a good choice. Sometimes our judgment is off because the other person is so attractive and so cool that we just throw caution to the wind without thinking. Parents have better judgment because they are older and have more experience with dating and relationships. On top of that, they want their kids to have a bright future so their choice will be superior.
2. Only develop serious relationships with people you have seen in person. No exclusively online relationships. Meeting online is fine but carrying on a relationship with someone strictly on the internet is problematic. How do you know that they are who they say they are?
3. A serious relationship means that you are intimately acquainted with your date’s family members and friends. You have seen the fam, you have met them and been to their home for dinner so you know they’re real. Plus, you can grill the family and friends for dirt on your date so you know if this person is someone with whom you want to pursue a relationship.
4. Hands off your date. This includes no kissing, no touching, no hand holding, no hugging, no sex, etc. Don’t even think about it!
5. The female must bring one of her blood related male relatives to be an escort on every date. This is mainly for the protection of the girl so there is no rape or funny business. Your muscle-bound uncle who can beat your date up quickly and efficiently is the perfect choice.
6. Both parties must dress modestly. Ladies, keep the dresses below the knee and the upper body fully covered, a little arm is OK. Guys keep your shirt on and buttoned and wear looser pants, you know why.
7. Keep everything innocent. Rated G conversation, no alcohol, no drugs, no cursing, just keep it chill and if you don’t feel right saying it in front of a pastor, don’t say it at all.
8. Marry quickly. Don’t allow your relationship to wear on for years and years. Fella’s, if your girl wants to get married now, do it while she still likes you because chances are that if you don’t pull the trigger while she is in the mood to make the commitment, she will tire of you quickly and move on to the next. Then you will see her and her husband and kids together and feel like a real sucker for letting her pass you by. Don’t do it boys, if you like it put a ring on it!
I hope this helps people make better relationship choices and dating decisions. Lord knows we need it!